Happy snow day. I”m sitting in my bed listening to the wind howl outside and feeling very grateful that I get to stay inside and not have to go anywhere. We’re living in our bubble watching the weather unfold from all the windows. I do love all the big windows here. It can be like at home though – Benj wants the shades down, Rhonda wants them up. I tend to be the biggest supporter of shades up.
Today I had my first eating out experience, without going out. It’s a group specifically to help navigate a menu, know portion sizes aside from what the restaurant gives you, how to figure out tallies, and to get past the mind game ED can play when eating restaurant food. We ordered pizza and not Pizza Ranch. For me pizza was always that guilty pleasure food. I eat it, usually eat too much because it’s good, and then feel guilty afterwards. And especially at lunch time, that was off limits because that was one of my rules – no junk food during the day so in case I wanted some at night, I’d have wiggle room from abstaining the rest of the day. (Just a peek into an ED lie) But this group was good for me. Two pieces of pizza is just right. We had sausage pizza with veggies. If you think of one slice of bread as 1 grain then you can estimate what one grain serving is in other things. So usually one slice of pizza would be about equal to one grain. The meat is 1 protein, the veggies 1 veg. So there I had my correct tallies for lunch – 2 grains, 1 protein, 1 veg, 1 fat, and 1 milk cause I drank milk with it. The tallies also teach correct portioning. There’s no need to eat 5 pieces of pizza because in 3 hours it’s snack time and then you’ll get other tallies for the day. You don’t want all your tallies in one meal. See – portion control. Food doesn’t become the enemy – its simply there to sustain and give energy.
I also met with the chaplain here for the second time. She’s a young lady, probably in her 30’s, super sweet. With me we obviously talked openly about faith, but in spirituality groups she has to be more broad. But she gave me the most beautiful analogy from the Bible today. I told her I was going to use it in my daily email. The story of the friends that lowered the paralyzed man through the roof to be healed. That is what we need. We need to have friends who are willing to bring us onto a roof and then lower us down in front of Jesus so that we can be healed. That is true support and love from friends. We need to be humble enough to accept the help we need in order to get before our Healer. So that’s what I’m learning to do and learning to embrace – my need for friends who are willing to lift me up and lower me down at Jesus feet. And then when I’m well, I can do the same for any of you who need the same. Isn’t that a beautiful picture of community and love? I think being on the receiving end is what makes it so vivid. I’d almost go so far as to say I pray that at some point in our lives we are all able to be the recipients of that kind of love.
I also met with one of the occupational therapists. Again, this was another one of those pieces of this puzzle of transitioning back home, finding those triggers and dismantling them that I needed. Clothes. She told me to get rid of all my jeans and pants and shorts. Anything with a button and a zipper has to go. Even if they fit me still, they won’t fit the way I remember them and that is a huge major trigger for me, and really anyone dealing with ED. So Benj and Missy went through my closet and cleaned it out for me tonight. Right now I can’t picture what that all included, which is the reason they did it before I got there, because if I saw what they got rid of I’m pretty sure I’d be sad. I liked my clothes. I told Benj this may be a bit of a strain on our clothing budget but this man I love said that was OK. The OT therapist also gave me excellent tips for shopping. Ignore the size. Look at pants and check visually if you think they’ll fit. When you first put them on, don’t look in the mirror. First decide how they feel and then get a visual. If they don’t feel good, then don’t even bother because a lot of times when we immediately look in the mirror we scrutinize the look rather than relying on the feel. Hence – buyer’s remorse – am I right? That was another really good talk today.
I did a little “baking” today at last snack. It takes me forever to menu plan because I think these things through. My brainstorm – pudding for one of my dessert tallies, bananas for a fruit, nutella for a fat. Take pudding, cut up banana into pudding, top with nutella. Voila! Banana cream pie with out the crust. I should have gotten graham crackers for a grain. Everyone was impressed with my creative snack. 🙂 You have to realize, most of these girls look at food and dread it. They don’t enjoy eating, ever. They don’t look forward to it. It’s a chore. It’s something to check off in a day so that they can move up to the next phase. I”m just relishing the freedom of food – God made food. I can eat it. I just needed to relearn how.
The weekend is here. Much less on the schedule. Not so fun. But Mom and Dad are coming. Way fun. Love you guys! Enjoy the weekend! Relax. I”m going to use my weekend to finish the coloring page I started tonight. I’ve got two hours into it, not even half way.