I am so thankful that tomorrow is Monday. Can I get an amen from the crowd? 🙂 I got my schedule for tomorrow and I’ve got something every hour through supper. Praise the Lord. This weekend ended on a high note with Benj, the boys, and Byke and Bonnie and with the horticulture class and a lot of laughter with friends here, but it has also been a long weekend of doing not too much. I need busy and I need learning. Back to it tomorrow.
My heart rate went back down to 45 today. I kind of figured the 78 was maybe just a fluke or just a jump start to improvement. I haven’t gotten my labs back from today. When I did my 5 minute daily check with my MD, she said the only labs that had come back with my white blood cell count which is still not where it should be. I don’t remember the explanation for why it is off, but its another indicator of the ED. They keep telling me it takes time for my body to start improving. So I’m going to just keep doing what they tell me and munching down on all this food they put in front of me. Today I am just full. Somedays it’s fine – a lot of my tallies can come from extras like guacamole or slivered almonds on a salad which doesn’t feel like I”m eating so much. But today it seemed like my tallies were all full on parts of the meal and snacks. So hence, I’m full. But here’s my mantra I was told right when I got here – full does not equal fat. That’s a life saving phrase for the ED-distracted mind. 🙂
Benj, the boys, and Byke and Bonnie came which was fabulous. We played games and laughed harder than I’ve laughed in ages. We ate together, I taught Byke how to count the tallies, and then they had to leave about 6 so the boys won’t sleep in school tomorrow. But then it was horticulture night and we made flower arrangements. Seriously, who knew crafting was such a great tool for distracting the mind. I now color relentlessly, I made a craft in occupational therapy group today, and now flower arranging. I also did some yoga today. I like it. I am horribly un-stretchy, but it really does feel good. One of the girls, TJ, and I were the only ones in the yoga class with the instructor. It is downstairs on first floor in a little studio area full of windows to the back of Melrose. Suddenly we saw one of the girls from our floor go sprinting past on the trail in the back. Somehow she had snuck out and was exercising. That is not good at all, but I tell you so you see how desperate and reckless ED can make some feel. That’s a huge backward step to be sure. Pray for her.
I am definitely making friends with those I am here with which makes it so much easier. Community is essential I’m learning. I don’t want them to leave before me but I also pray they can go home soon too. I am the oldest (claim to fame), and the next is 32. That’s TJ, my yoga buddy today. I have been getting to know her very well. There is so much pain underneath these eating disorders. Not all, but many are triggered by this pain. I’ve said before, I seem to be a phenomena not being on meds for depression or anxiety or needing any meds here. When I went to see my MD she said right away that it is nice to see a positive person because that doesn’t happen very often. I”m glad I can be seen as a positive person. I like being positive. Makes for a happier day. 🙂 And Pastor Bob’s sermon this morning was incredible. I wrote him and told him thank you for writing a sermon just for me and being nice enough to share it with everyone else. It was a huge blessing.
My prayer for tonight:
– last week was fresh – new things happening. I pray that this week can stay fresh, learning can continue and my excitement can stay high as the time gets longer.
– pray for my indicators to start improving soon
– pray for Benj and the boys as they start another busy week – we are both so grateful for the support with the boys and for the dietary needs 🙂
– pray for the other girls here with me
I always start out thinking I won’t have much to write about, but when I write I process so you all get to be on the receiving end of my processing. And I want you to understand life with me as well. Have a super Monday. Make your goal to be that someone calls you a positive person tomorrow. I’ll do the same!