Thursday, November 17, 2016

Another day in the life of an eating disorder patient at Melrose Center.  My schedule wasn’t as busy today but I also had more homework as I prepare for departure next week.  I worked on my lists.  They are set aside for today so that I can see them fresh tomorrow.  I will share them when they are complete.  There’s no need for anyone to be walking on eggshells worried about saying the wrong thing.  I mean, you could only just set my whole recovery back 3 weeks and put me at square one and send me back to Melrose, but no pressure.  🙂  I’m serious about the eggshells though.  So you say something wrong, maybe i didn’t even know before it is said that it would be a trigger, but that’s okay because I’ve also got tools and skills in my back pocket that are there to help shut Ed up.  The lists are like first line of defense, but I’ve got back ups and than more back ups.  It’s all good.  It’s a team effort.  Thanks for being on the team.

I had a very interesting meeting with my dietitian.  I got the exercise piece written out, but the food piece was the other one I was really waiting to talk about.  And now I have.  I find all of this so incredibly interesting.  So my dietitian asked me how I was feeling about the food.  Honestly in the past couple days I haven’t been feeling full full all day long.  She said that was good.  That means my body is adjusting.  She said that my weight has evened off the past couple days and hasn’t gone up, which I knew.  I asked her why and she said it’s because now that my body organs are in working order again and are being efficient, my metabolism is going up.  Isn’t that amazing.  The body is utterly amazes me.  What we’ve decided to do is add two more tallies to my daily total.  She wanted to know what I wanted to add but I told her I’d leave it up to her.  At that point she kind of sat back in her chair and just laughed.  She said she’s never had such an easy going patient before.  Usually if she tells someone their tallies have to go up that comes with argument and anger, not a “do what you think is best.”  But I told her, to me she is the expert.  Everyone there are the experts.  My brain is fogged up, right?  Telling me lies, so if they know best than why would I tell them what to do.  I need to get past ED and trust the ones who I know are doing what is best for me.  She asked about my activity level at home, etc to get a feel for the energy I’m expending in a day.  We decided to add 1 more fruit and 1 more dessert to my tallies.  Funny, right, Rhonda having 2 desserts in a day.  But I also asked her why it is they don’t do anything with calories.  It really means nothing.  And again – so interesting – she said your body knows what it needs.  So if it is getting all the food groups, then the calories just come out in the wash.  That body uses what it needs.  We are just so brainwashed in our society to worry about calories in and calories out, what’s good for us and what’s bad.  I am not training my mind to stop thinking that way.  The low fat, fat free, less sugar, etc stuff, I’m learning its not necessary.  We eat, the body uses, the body functions.  God knows what he’s doing.  But we all think we need to manipulate to make sure we’re being “healthy”.  I think this goes for more than just ED people – it’s just ingrained in us from media and whatnot.  It is again, a very freeing way to eat.  So I will take my tallies home with me and slowly I”m learning how to tell what foods fit in what categories – what constitutes 1 protein, 1 bread, 1 fruit, vegetable, 1 fat, 1 dessert, 1 milk.  I will be planning my days and my menu for each meal and 3 snacks very conscientiously until it becomes second nature.  The body should never have to be super hungry.  Blood sugars should never get out of whack if we’re keeping the body fueled like it is supposed to be.  Can I get an Amen from the crowd!  So guess what day I’m practicing writing up my first menu tallies without them written out in front of me by the dietitians on our set menu here?  Thanksgiving, here I come.  🙂
That was my best aha moment of today.  I got to join a cooking group today where we prepped and cooked our own meal.  Tomorrow I’m in a group that orders food from a restaurant and brings it in for lunch, still following the tallies but knowing how restaurant food fits.  Here’s one for you – 2 slices of sausage pizza would be 1 protein, 2 grains, 1 fat.  Now you know.
I also did Pilates today.  Holy balls.  I sweat and it wasn’t cardio by any means.  All core and muscle work and it hurt.  Good stuff.
Benj’s Aunt Barb came to visit since she comes on Thursdays to work at the airport.  We laughed hard.  She gave me teaching advice, we talked ED, we talked exercise classes, we talked politics, but mostly we just laughed.  Good for the soul.
I”m going to bed.  Did I keep it short?  Rachel Moerman, the wise soul that she is, suggested I start a blog when I get home, specifically writing about my journey with ED.  I think yes.  Therapy, stress relief, leisure activity, social activity (sort of), all rolled into one.  Yep, I think so.

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