Sunday, November 20, 2016

Buenas noches mis amigos y familia!  I’m in the mood to speak Spanish because Josh and Joni and Mathis came and Mathis understands Spanish so they told me I should speak some Spanish to him too so he gets more of it.  Missy and Jeremy and Erika and Kadence came too.  We just had a big old party up on third floor.  Mathis still loves me.  He came right to me when they got there.  I won’t mention that he tends to make friends with strangers easily, but it looked more like a hey, there’s Aunt Rhonda smile to me.  🙂  It was a great visit and allowed me more practice eating outside our dining room up here and down in the cafeteria style restaurant downstairs.

So, I’m coming home in three days.  I have mixed emotions.  I live in a bubble here.  It’s a pretty safe bubble.  I am in an environment constantly aware and fighting against ED surrounded by people exactly in the same boat I am.  I have professionals who dedicate their days to giving me tools and knowledge to free myself of this disease.  I’ve made friends who I pray for and want to see succeed and leave this place with the support just like I have.  Here I’ve created a routine that sets me up for success.  And in three days I’m leaving to come home to the people I love who I know have my back and my front and my sides and every other direction imaginable.  I am truly truly blessed by my support in all of you.  I have God carrying me.  I have a husband who loved me through this crap.  I’ve had more visitors than anyone else here and I live the farthest away.  That says a lot. But I will admit that I’m kind of scared.  I’ve been thoroughly warned of ED’s sneakiness and yesterday still freaks me out.  ED can still get in my head and that terrifies me.  Staying here would be easiest to be completely truthful.  But the more I talk to people and the more people talk to me, the more I realize that everyone sees me as ready to go home.  Because I’m surrounded by all of you and because of all that I’ve learned here, there has to come the point where I step out in faith and move forward.  What I will be sad about is leaving my friends here, especially TJ.  I want to see her, and all of them succeed.  I want them to find Jesus and lean on him.  I want to see where they all end up.  The daily routine will continue here and I know everyday at 7:15, 10, 12:15, 3, 5:15, and 8:15 I will look at the clock and know the bell just went off for “feeding time”.
But, I have two more days of learning and practicing to go.  Onward and upward.  Keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus and not on the weeds tangling up my feet.  I’m ready for bed and a new day tomorrow!

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