In 1999, right out of college, I moved to Managua, Nicaragua to be a missionary teacher at the Nicaragua Christian Academy. I had never had an issue with food before, but suddenly I found myself very conscious of what I was eating. Without meaning to, I lost 5 pounds, and then 10, and suddenly life was forever changed.
An eating disorder is a disease. Because I was never properly introduced to it as such, I lived under the lies of this disease for the next 17 years. My recovery finally began the day my husband’s tough love got me to treatment and finally to the place of surrender at the feet of Jesus.
On November 7, 2016 God took my life out of my hands and brought me completely into his own. I gave him my fear, anxiety, and isolation, and he gave me his strength, power, and unconditional love.
After treatment, I continued to fight every day over my thoughts and emotions about food and exercise in order to find my way through recovery. By God’s grace and the love of my family, friends, and support team, I live in victory over my eating disorder knowing that His grace is indeed sufficient for me. Every day is a promise of God’s faithfulness and compassion renewed to me.
My life is full as a mom of 4 boys, a wife to an amazing man, a high school Spanish teacher, a healthy exerciser, an entrepreneur, and a doer of whatever other task stands before me. I write to process the thoughts in my brain, to open the community of the eating disorder world, and as a way to share God’s love and grace that saved my life. I am a new creation, a child of God; I am not my eating disorder. I am not defined by fear. I am defined by the blood of the cross.
Share in this journey of grace with me.